im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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