if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
