really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
