I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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