After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
