got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
