When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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