he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
vagina is talking i cant
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now