so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.