That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
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I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
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At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.