They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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