I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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