Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
