Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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