This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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