I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
