:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
