Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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