You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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