I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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