his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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