Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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