Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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