Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
