I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were trust falling into bushes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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