Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
