just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My penis needs a shock collar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
