DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
