My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
