can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
