Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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