We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
