I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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