Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
