just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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