Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
