I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize