I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
