I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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