Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
