I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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