The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
