pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
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Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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