I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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