I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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