This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
