Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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