Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
