does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
