How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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