I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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