Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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