He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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