When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
