Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't put those talents on a resume
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
