I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
