So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
