fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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