I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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