You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
