Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
