Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
