another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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