9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My vagina is very pro this idea
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
