I think i peed on brittanys purse
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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