I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ttyl tear gas
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
